Attachment and Bonding and Grieving

Adoption Round Three

feeds@yuku.com (mom2countrykids) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 23:46:09 GMT

First full day of B ( 8 ) and TD (10). Over all it has been good. I am ready for the structure of us starting school back up. I see LOTS of lack of skills. Motor skills, life skills, I haven't even looked at education skills. Both boys managed to have a melt down while the CW was out today. I really think the CW had more trouble with B's fit, with the yelling and stomping and telling me he didn't want to be...

Seeing birthmom everywhere...

feeds@yuku.com (preparedforrain) — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:31:31 GMT

My little guy, Jay, just turned 5. Lately, every time we go somewhere, he says he sees his birthmom in the parking lot. Sure enough when he says it, it is a black woman but it certainly is NOT his birthmom, who is in prison.

I am wondering if he is missing her and this is his way of "seeing" her since he really can't....or if maybe he is forgetting what she looks like and he does actually think it's her. Interesting to note that he never says it while I am in...

Teenagers: how to teach independence when they make such bad choices

feeds@yuku.com (felmel) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 15:13:01 GMT

The summer hasn't been too bad for Jo. Of course, being away from all her friends has slowed her down. She turned 16 in July and can legally go on her own in two short years. With my other teens at 16, they have normally had cell phones, internet access, pretty liberal time with friends and driving at this point. I think that teaching kids to be independent is very important. I have also found that no matter what you teach your kids, they have minds of their own and will do what they...

adoptive parents of RAD child beg social services for help

feeds@yuku.com (LavendernOldJeans) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 12:21:57 GMT

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1195634/Take-10-year-old-son-away--kills-Couple-begs-social-services-help.html

A couple fears their ten-year-old adopted son will kill unless he receives the correct treatment for his mental illness.

The child, who suffers from an attachment disorder, was taken into care in...

RAD-good for communicating with friends/relatives/teachers

feeds@yuku.com (LavendernOldJeans) — Wed, 20 May 2009 08:26:47 GMT

Nothing really new here (except validation) for current parents of RAD children. Short slideshow explaining the issues and behavior.Full of actual RAD children. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcAuYRp2dJs

Healing after the visitations stop

feeds@yuku.com (felmel) — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 00:02:14 GMT

Seems like L has just been in a pattern of healing after visitations stopped. I know that visitations were a big issue with him. You could see his behaviors get worse after each visit. The visits stopped before Christmas break. At a meeting with his teacher I was told that he started the school year with so much anger. She noticed that the anger was gone after Christmas break. I don't think that it was just a coincidence.

The entire school year he never had an entire week...

Is RAD inevitable?

feeds@yuku.com (preparedforrain) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 18:27:32 GMT

It seems that RAD is so prevalent amongst children adopted from foster care. I have to ask everyone's opinion on this....is it inevitable when adopting older children, that they will suffer with RAD? If so, is there anything we, as adoptive parents, can do to lessen the effects for them during the transition period from foster care into our home? Are there things that we can do during the "visiting period" to ease the transition? I have read a lot about bottle...

scarf project

feeds@yuku.com (Heather in MN) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:20:16 GMT

http://threadsofcompassion.bravehost.com/

Please check out the above link if you could. My kiddo and I have found that donating to different causes is a real bonding activity for us. She feels a strong healing when she is able to give to orphans or to people that are hungry etc. When we do these things together it really reinforces the idea that we share the same ideals. For a kiddo that is not supposed to be...

What to do with 13 year old adopted RAD kid.

feeds@yuku.com (Janina Paasche) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:06:13 GMT

So here's my story:
We adopted two sibling boys about 4 years ago. The older one (A) is almost 15 and the younger one (J) 13.5. A seems to be improving and is definitely attached to us though he still has a lot of problems with depression, dissociation, ADHD, PTSD etc. J has just been officially diagnosed with moderate to severe RAD, ODD and PTSD. He is a nightmare and is making us all miserable. With the current diagnosis in hand, the AT has recommended we get intensive therapy...

What do attachment issues look like in a 2 year old?

feeds@yuku.com (felmel) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 19:18:22 GMT

M is 2 1/2. I don't feel that she has any attachment with anyone. She is super friendly and goes to everyone without hesitation, a little defiant wild child. What do attachment issues look like at this age?

Interactions with birth family

feeds@yuku.com (Georgia Mommy) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 21:45:46 GMT

I couldn't quite decide which forum to put this in, but this one seemed appropriate.

I wanted to talk about an issue that has cropped up on this board from time to time, and our most recent and quite unexpected experience with integrating birth family into our lives.

Before our sib group, adopted for a year now, all our kids had already been through TPR. Birth family was not too much an issue...at least not openly. When we went for the TPR hearing on these kids, the...

Visits with former FPs??

feeds@yuku.com (preparedforrain) — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:17:50 GMT

Here's an interesting delima we may find ourselves in shortly. We have gotten to know Baby M's foster family very well. We are friendly with them but keep some distance as I do NOT agree with their parenting methods. Anyway.....they have already said that once M gets home, they want to have visits with her when they are missing her. FYI - she has been with them 1 year....she is 13 months old.

My question is this.......once M gets home, which would be better for...

older teen adoption/S's story Starting on 8-11-08

feeds@yuku.com (mom2countrykids) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 23:34:41 GMT

Remaned from J's Adoption Starting on 8-11-08

Our first full day home. Morning was spent with the littles doing school while Daughter in Love and J sorted through tons of clothes. The back of the excursion was over filled with her stuff. Most of it is OK if she was a size small. She is a size medium/large both top and bottom. She so muchly has my build it is funny. (poor kid!) MN was most helpful in pointing out she didn't loose near as many clothes as they did. I didn't...

RAD verses Attachment issues

feeds@yuku.com (mom2countrykids) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:47:14 GMT

I have been thinking of this for a while. I want to see if I can put my thoughts into words.

MN came a RAD child at 7. Full of anger and hate. MJ came without the anger and hate. More full of nothing. He was 8. T came as the energizer bunny on full alert. She was 4.

Now 3 years down the road MN I would say is the most firmly attached. T I think is attached, but she is a social child. She loves people, she loves life. I see more boundary issues with her than...

Sabotage

feeds@yuku.com (Janina Paasche) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 08:41:52 GMT

We've finally come to the conclusiong that our younger adopted son Jon (13) has RAD. We've started on reducing what he is allowed to do to the basic mininum until he can handle that without attitude, disresrespect, tantrums etc. He needs to learn to be happy form the inside out not the other way around. The more stuff he has and the more priviledges he can enjoy, the less he appreciates it and the worse his behavior becomes. As you can imagine he's not happy about not being...

Redefining a Word (Warning Religious)

feeds@yuku.com (mom2countrykids) — Tue, 13 May 2008 12:28:13 GMT

My friend who grew up abused and neglected wrote this. She is an amazing young lady. While she wrote this about her relationship with God, her heavenly "daddy". I think it applies to all of us and our relationships with our hurt kids.

I don't remember where I first heard the remark. I only remember that it stuck with me, and for the past several years I have wondered about the idea of "climbing up into God's lap" for comfort like he was your...

Dr. Daniel A. Hughes

feeds@yuku.com (Up North Mommy) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:07:19 GMT

I know that we've had his stuff posted on the board before. I remember reading the parenting model when Lav posted it years ago. It is really good stuff. I went back to his website last week to copy that for training my PCA's on Reactive Attachment Disorder and I found this new article. (If it's not new, then I just didn't see it before) It is the best description of what RAD actually looks like that I have found.

Almost three years and now rejection?

feeds@yuku.com (SusanandRoger) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 21:34:57 GMT

We adopted two children three years ago - well they came into our care in June, adopted 15 months later in August so they have offically been adopted for a year and a half. They were 9 and 6 (girl older.)

Everything is pretty much settled down, and we have the same issues and stresses as other families. But lately, my son is insisting he wants to be back with his birth mother as soon as we discipline him.

Now, I have tracked that breakthroughs in our relationship come after the...

Going Back

feeds@yuku.com (metromom) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 22:53:06 GMT

The anniv. of finalization is coming up. Life has changed for all. The question is - has anyone gone back to the area their child came from w/ the child to take pictures, etc.? I was thinking of taking my child back to the places the child remembers like favorite taco place, old school, place went to a birthday party etc. Pros, cons, experience - all welcomed!
Thanks!

New event here

feeds@yuku.com (Jenamom) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 21:31:35 GMT

A few weeks ago K, 4 had an all out and out rage where between the 2 times he broke a window and tore his closet door off and then broke every hanger and ripped several pieces of clothes. SO we bought a camera for his room. It is mounted behind plexi glass. We showed him what it was etc. Anyway the first time we used it we were amazed because he usually only takes 30 min naps and that day he took a 3 hr nap then he begged for it to be on at night he said the monsters were going to get him. So...