The key is that you probably have all the information that is available. What the child might disclose over time may have never made it to the records.

Some caseworkers are more willing than others to give you information if you are only in the process. Some are tied by regs they don't feel they can safely ignore. With our children it has run the gamut.

We had a ton of documentation on our first adoptee before we even met him. Even all that did not prepare us for the reality of parenting him. Ditto for our second. And the thing is, children change...and not always for the better. Not that they cant do that!... but what is doable with them when they are little might not be when they get big. Literally.

By the time our sib group hit the scene, it almost didn't matter to us what we knew ahead of time. We were committed to fostering them no matter what (well, short of one of them setting the house on fire..). The decision to adopt came a bit later. Even then, it was quite a while before we had their psychologicals in hand. By then, we could have written them ourselves, and more accurately, too.

No matter how much you read about them, it will not be enough (unless the child is an absolute holy terror)...nothing will prepare you like living with the child.

I totally understand your desire to make a realistic decision for the rest of your family. Some behaviors you can weed out immediately Others are more subtle and may not show up until later.That is why I think the system has it backwards when it comes to matching children, and why I would always choose to foster first.

I don't mean to sound discouraging. I think your search for answers is totally appropriate. It is just not as simple as one might think.
GM


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
Author Unknown