Well, for awhile my son didn't have a diagnosis, and he came to us at age 12. Our doctor told us not to worry about a firm DX, because if he was FAE, then there wasn't much they were going to do for him at that age - it was about dealing with the behaviors and such, which is what we were already doing. He has Asperger's, but how much of that is true As, and how much of that is the drinking his birthmom did when she was pregnant? And how much can be blamed on her later giving him drugs and alcohol as a small child, to laugh at how he was affected by it? At this point, he'll be 18 in a couple of weeks, so I don't think there will ever be something specific to point at and portion out his diagnoses.

Anyway, I became an expert on my son, not necessarily each individual DX. Things that people told me would work, didn't, and lots of things that we dreamed up on our own worked great. Being creative really is the key. I read a lot of websites, talked to teachers, therapists and other parents with special needs kids, and didn't take the time to be terrified. There were several occasions that I remember looking skyward and apologizing to my son's birthdad (who is deceased) and telling him that I was doing the best that I could and to please not judge me too harshly later.

We're looking to adopt again now and I surely want another child with these DXs. It's difficult, but my son has brought me so much joy and heartache - I really want to do it all again!
Holly, 29 & Dan, 31
Brandon, 17 & Jessica, 16 - adopted in 2001

Planning to add another 1, 2 or 3 boys to our family in 2007!