We have an official placement date for K! She'll be here for good on the 27th. I'll be picking her up Monday for a week, she'll go back for a few days, and then here to stay. YAY!
With her not here for the week, I've had a lot of time to think about certain situations and how she and I are both handling things. She has an obvious desire to be in control, above what I think would just be "normal" in getting used to a new place. I'm trying not to fight too many battles, instead giving her lots of choices and the ability to exert some "control" within my limits. I've found that the way I phrase things makes all the difference 80% of the time. She pretty much knows what we'll be doing each day and when, so as it gets close to time to go swimming "We'll leave once you've used the bathroom and I've put your sunblock on." Avoids arguments and me nagging.
One morning at breakfast she asked what time we'd walk the dog (as we do every morning and evening) and I told her 9. As 9 came she was still in pj's so I didn't make a comment and she walked the dog in her pj's (which were appropriate). The next day when she asked I told her we'd go when she had clothes on. It got to be 9:30, 10, 10:30, 11, 11:30 and still in pj's. Finally she asked when we'd be having lunch and I my response was "after we've walked the dog." Amazingly, she was dressed within 5 minutes and ready to go, though not very pleased about it.
She was upset one day that I didn't let her push the buttons on the microwave and told me "You did it last time, it was my turn!" I let her know that I'm not a peer, we're not always taking turns, and that I let her do things when I "feel like it." Writing it down sounds kind of harsh, but this had been an issue more than once.
I've seen lots of positives too. Some, like her manners, I'm sure will diminish as she gets more comfortable. Others, like how well she does with younger children, I think are innate. She likes to sing and act out scenes, though would probably be mortified if she realized I could hear her from my bedroom. So far she's had appropriate boundaries with "new people," but is not shy about asking a group of kids on the playground if she can join them. She easily went with the children's group at church on Sunday. Socially, she is very behind, although intellectually knows the "rules"...you ask before joining the group, you say please, thank you, etc. Academically, she's pretty well on target.
I'm going to start the star chart with her this week, basically just for things she's already been doing (making bed, brushing teeth, picking up room daily), but with the goal of getting it instituted for a couple weeks and then changing some of her "duties" before school starts. I figure it won't be too long after that before I'll add things that she needs to work on, etc.
So, if you're still reading this epic post, I'd love to hear your suggestions or comments from all you experts. I keep reading old posts on the board and finding more and more useful information. This is a wonderful resource.
With her not here for the week, I've had a lot of time to think about certain situations and how she and I are both handling things. She has an obvious desire to be in control, above what I think would just be "normal" in getting used to a new place. I'm trying not to fight too many battles, instead giving her lots of choices and the ability to exert some "control" within my limits. I've found that the way I phrase things makes all the difference 80% of the time. She pretty much knows what we'll be doing each day and when, so as it gets close to time to go swimming "We'll leave once you've used the bathroom and I've put your sunblock on." Avoids arguments and me nagging.
One morning at breakfast she asked what time we'd walk the dog (as we do every morning and evening) and I told her 9. As 9 came she was still in pj's so I didn't make a comment and she walked the dog in her pj's (which were appropriate). The next day when she asked I told her we'd go when she had clothes on. It got to be 9:30, 10, 10:30, 11, 11:30 and still in pj's. Finally she asked when we'd be having lunch and I my response was "after we've walked the dog." Amazingly, she was dressed within 5 minutes and ready to go, though not very pleased about it.
She was upset one day that I didn't let her push the buttons on the microwave and told me "You did it last time, it was my turn!" I let her know that I'm not a peer, we're not always taking turns, and that I let her do things when I "feel like it." Writing it down sounds kind of harsh, but this had been an issue more than once.
I've seen lots of positives too. Some, like her manners, I'm sure will diminish as she gets more comfortable. Others, like how well she does with younger children, I think are innate. She likes to sing and act out scenes, though would probably be mortified if she realized I could hear her from my bedroom. So far she's had appropriate boundaries with "new people," but is not shy about asking a group of kids on the playground if she can join them. She easily went with the children's group at church on Sunday. Socially, she is very behind, although intellectually knows the "rules"...you ask before joining the group, you say please, thank you, etc. Academically, she's pretty well on target.
I'm going to start the star chart with her this week, basically just for things she's already been doing (making bed, brushing teeth, picking up room daily), but with the goal of getting it instituted for a couple weeks and then changing some of her "duties" before school starts. I figure it won't be too long after that before I'll add things that she needs to work on, etc.
So, if you're still reading this epic post, I'd love to hear your suggestions or comments from all you experts. I keep reading old posts on the board and finding more and more useful information. This is a wonderful resource.
