I found some of my old posts from a Guatmala adoption site I used to frequent. I thought I would post our experiences with Gautemalan adoption here:
For those of you considering an older child adoption, I thought I would update on our adoption journey. It has now been 16 months since our daughter Joselin came home from Guatemala. I have not been writing much lately because we have been so busy. My dh is still in the DC area working for the army as a retiree recall. Hopefully, he will get home in May.
We brought our daughter home in September of 2003. We were under the impression that she was 8 years old at the time. However, while in Guatemala, we met with her birthmom and realized that she was several years older. This change in age made Joselin the same age as our youngest daughter. I would have to say that this has been the biggest problem that we have had. Joselin immediately tried to put herself ahead of the other kids in pecking order. The teenagers had no problem letting her know that she was below them. However, Sarah was not prepared for the battles and the meanness of Joselin. Joselin was never mean to Sarah in front of me; however, she was mean when out of site. I finally had to resort to putting a baby monitor in their room and eventually (after adding on to the house) put them in their own bedrooms. After my experiences, I totally believe in trying to keep birth order with your children. I know that people are successful when not keeping birth order; however, my personal opinion is that it is much easier when birth order is kept.
We went through many stages: major pouting, sulking, jealousy, spoiled behaviors, bossiness, fighting at school and on bus (requiring me to take her off the bus), fighting with her ESL teacher to do work, stealing, lying and a host of other issues. I would have to say that her meanness has been the most difficult issue for us. It is the only major issue that we are dealing with to this date. I do have to say that is has gotten better. She has come to realize that if she is mean, there are consequences. When no kids come to the door to play with her, she will say it is because she is mean. We have adopted a zero tolerance with regards to her meanness and it has helped. Now when she goes to play she will say that she will be nice. I also tell her when I notice her being nice. The biggest issue she has now is the other kids in the house. They are having a hard time seeing the improvements she has made and are slow to allowing her into their activities. Luckily, Sarah is the most forgiving and they will now play for long periods of time together.
There were many things that Joselin had to learn after arriving home. Some simple things like how to stand in line! She would go right to the front of lines and really annoy folks. She also had to learn how to; share, make and keep friends, behave in class and follow rules, trust adults, be parented, take turns and many other things that we normally teach our kids without thought. She has done quite well in learning how we do things and acceptable behavior. Joselin made a big breakthrough this last semester in school. She is finally making friends. This has been a really big thing for her. She had the hardest time because she thought that if a girl wanted to play with anyone else, then they werent her friend anymore and then she would be mean to them. She finally learned (with the help of her teacher) that it is OK to play with different girls at different times.
A main issue has been Joselins education. She came home knowing the Spanish alphabet and how to count. The schools here are not prepared for an 11 year old girl that does not have any education. We have struggled to find the help that she needs. We contemplated homeschooling, but the social aspects seemed to outweigh the positives. She loves going to school. She is even going crazy over Christmas break and is ready to go back to school. This is an ongoing project and right now she goes to ESL five days a week, speech and has tutors at school. Her English is not an issue, she speaks English really well. I would say that by the 6 month mark, we were communicating really well.
In the past month, we have really had a lot of settling in. Joselin now talks of how happy she is with her new family. The other day she said this and I said back, That is good because you are stuck with goofy us, she responded, I know, forever and smiled at me. She sat down last week and told me whole family story. I had heard bits and pieces, but this was the first time I heard it straight through. (I promise to get a copy to her biological brothers family!) When she would talk of abusive periods, she would say that we dont do that here in her new family. She has also decided that she is ready to be baptized at our church. This is a total reversal of just a few months ago.
I remember well the day the she cried to me that this was all harder than she thought it would be. When I remember those days, I realize how far we have come and how blessed our family has been.
For those of you considering an older child adoption, I thought I would update on our adoption journey. It has now been 16 months since our daughter Joselin came home from Guatemala. I have not been writing much lately because we have been so busy. My dh is still in the DC area working for the army as a retiree recall. Hopefully, he will get home in May.
We brought our daughter home in September of 2003. We were under the impression that she was 8 years old at the time. However, while in Guatemala, we met with her birthmom and realized that she was several years older. This change in age made Joselin the same age as our youngest daughter. I would have to say that this has been the biggest problem that we have had. Joselin immediately tried to put herself ahead of the other kids in pecking order. The teenagers had no problem letting her know that she was below them. However, Sarah was not prepared for the battles and the meanness of Joselin. Joselin was never mean to Sarah in front of me; however, she was mean when out of site. I finally had to resort to putting a baby monitor in their room and eventually (after adding on to the house) put them in their own bedrooms. After my experiences, I totally believe in trying to keep birth order with your children. I know that people are successful when not keeping birth order; however, my personal opinion is that it is much easier when birth order is kept.
We went through many stages: major pouting, sulking, jealousy, spoiled behaviors, bossiness, fighting at school and on bus (requiring me to take her off the bus), fighting with her ESL teacher to do work, stealing, lying and a host of other issues. I would have to say that her meanness has been the most difficult issue for us. It is the only major issue that we are dealing with to this date. I do have to say that is has gotten better. She has come to realize that if she is mean, there are consequences. When no kids come to the door to play with her, she will say it is because she is mean. We have adopted a zero tolerance with regards to her meanness and it has helped. Now when she goes to play she will say that she will be nice. I also tell her when I notice her being nice. The biggest issue she has now is the other kids in the house. They are having a hard time seeing the improvements she has made and are slow to allowing her into their activities. Luckily, Sarah is the most forgiving and they will now play for long periods of time together.
There were many things that Joselin had to learn after arriving home. Some simple things like how to stand in line! She would go right to the front of lines and really annoy folks. She also had to learn how to; share, make and keep friends, behave in class and follow rules, trust adults, be parented, take turns and many other things that we normally teach our kids without thought. She has done quite well in learning how we do things and acceptable behavior. Joselin made a big breakthrough this last semester in school. She is finally making friends. This has been a really big thing for her. She had the hardest time because she thought that if a girl wanted to play with anyone else, then they werent her friend anymore and then she would be mean to them. She finally learned (with the help of her teacher) that it is OK to play with different girls at different times.
A main issue has been Joselins education. She came home knowing the Spanish alphabet and how to count. The schools here are not prepared for an 11 year old girl that does not have any education. We have struggled to find the help that she needs. We contemplated homeschooling, but the social aspects seemed to outweigh the positives. She loves going to school. She is even going crazy over Christmas break and is ready to go back to school. This is an ongoing project and right now she goes to ESL five days a week, speech and has tutors at school. Her English is not an issue, she speaks English really well. I would say that by the 6 month mark, we were communicating really well.
In the past month, we have really had a lot of settling in. Joselin now talks of how happy she is with her new family. The other day she said this and I said back, That is good because you are stuck with goofy us, she responded, I know, forever and smiled at me. She sat down last week and told me whole family story. I had heard bits and pieces, but this was the first time I heard it straight through. (I promise to get a copy to her biological brothers family!) When she would talk of abusive periods, she would say that we dont do that here in her new family. She has also decided that she is ready to be baptized at our church. This is a total reversal of just a few months ago.
I remember well the day the she cried to me that this was all harder than she thought it would be. When I remember those days, I realize how far we have come and how blessed our family has been.
